Boomtastic Funny Status Messages

   BP HAS STOPPED THE LEAK!! Apparently they put a huge wedding ring over it and it just stopped putting out.

   a toast to Levi Strauss, who died today in 1902 - "Thanks for making my ass look good all these years!"

   Interesting piece of history: In 1872 the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

   my neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.

   Great! My Mayan doctor just said I have less than a year to live ..

   Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit.

   Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

   Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

   The less you have, the more you value it.

   Four more years?! I'm praying the Mayans were right now, so it'll only be four more weeks!!

   69 is the kamikaze of oral sex .. If I'm going down you're coming with me.

   Donald Trump says he's only taking $1.00 a year as President. We could have had Hillary for $.77