BobBogin Funny Status Messages

   Last night, I watched a documentary on marijuana. Let me say this... if you're gonna watch a documentary, that's the best way to do it.

   My dad called and said my mom accidentally took one of his men's vitamins. I go, "Yeah, so?" He said she's been bugging him to take her to Hooters but she won't let him Google the directions.

   I'm having a terrible day. There's a suppository behind my ear and I can't find my pencil.

   "No thanks. Not this time. Nah, I'm good. I had that done last time. No thanks. No. I'll have my mechanic check that. No thanks. No thanks. No thanks. Next time. No thanks. No thanks. No thanks. I just want the oil change."

   Black Friday. Or as it should be known: "Thanksgiving Is Over, We Now Return You To Your Self-Centered Lives Already In Progress."

   Ever notice the scariest women are the one's who flood their pages with pics of Marilyn Monroe?

   I'd like to send a sympathetic Christmastime shout out to young kids these days who see a really cool toy on TV, but will never get it because their parents must be 18 or old6er to call.

   My favorite thing is a woman who sticks our her b00bs in every timeline pic, then goes nuts when a guy messages her.

   Should I make healthy lifestyle choices? Nah. I'd rather die sooner and happy, than live a year or two longer and die miserable.

   "The Bachelor" should be renamed with a more accurate title: "Desperate, Dysfunctional Closet Cases Fighting Over A Player."

   I don't accept friend requests from people with no photos, a photo of someone playing a guitar, or photos that have more filters than Brita.

   Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I'm weak anyway.