BRian Funny Status Messages

   friends in low places.

   wishing everyone a happy holiday. If your not sure what holiday it is just google March 14th.

   In the 80's we had Reagan in office. We also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. Now we have Obama in office and we have no Hope and no Cash...

   come to realize that housework is a lot like shoveling the driveway while it's still snowing, come back 10 minutes later and it looks like you never did it....LOL

   Once saw a man in the back who said 'Everyone Attack', but it didn't turn into a ballroom blitz.

   Dear Bible, you forgot to include us in your story. Sincerely, the dinosaurs

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   At night, I secretly delete people on your page while you are asleep that might be potential flirters. You call it insecurity, but I call it job security…you're welcome!

   You really don't know a person until you realize they don't know how to spelle

   Maybe nows a good time to change my status from aethist to very religious and it's complicated.

   Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.

   Whenever someone deletes me as a friend I automatically think, crap they found out how many times I viewed their photos.

   86. Sometimes I like to order pizza from Domino's and when the delivery boy rings the bell I open the door in a Pizza Hut outfit.

   I always feel like I make a connection with a waitress whenever they take my order

   Supervisors never get sick but their employees are sick throughout half the year...

   I hate when I find parking space and there's already a motorcycle parked in it.

   How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams!

   I'm sad my kids have left to Summer Camp for 2 weeks. I no longer have an excuse to watch iCarly while they're gone...

   Oh you hate your job? Theres a support group for that, its called EVERYBODY'S USED THIS POST ONE TOO MANY TIMES!

   I'm almost sure she's cheating on me with her boyfriend.