BOO Funny Status Messages

   If I had a dollar for every calorie I burned tonight, Id be in the hole 1200 dollars! Thanks Alot Papa Murpheys

   Can't sleep, maybe I should count my blessings!

   I'm now Getting facebooks requests from my 14yr old sons friends. My girlfriend just called me a M.I.L.F. "Mom I'd like to Facebook"

   You know you spend too much time on facebook when you start refering to people by their first, maiden, and last name!

   Sometimes, I just want to copy someone else's status word for word just to see if they would notice..

   Ok, it's official...I spend way too much time on facebook. I just caught myself giving my boss a thumbs up because I liked something He said.. God help me!

   It's My late night and I Forgot to bring my lunch and dinner to work with me. My "things I would do for a Klondike bar" list, is rapidly starting to grow!

   What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?.... Wipes his ass.

   What do you call a thousand armed lesbians?... Militia Ethridge!

   what does a shingle and a fat chick have in common? They both get nailed by mexicans..

   What did Curt Cobain say to Courtney Love before he died?... Holes gonna be big!

   Rise and shine Billie Joe Armstrong... It's October!

   Facebook is the Hotel California of the new millennium. You can log out any time you like, but you can never leave.

   How does that old saying go.. Nice guys finish, In their hand?

   Would you tap that???..I wouldnt even poke it on facebook!!!!

   I think They should make a Pregnancy app. You just pee on your phone and it tells you if you are pregnant. Your move apple!

   What do you call a pig with 3 eyes...??? A Piiig!...Stupid yes, but you know you'll tell it.

   And ps... you should'nt sing a song with an "s" in the title if you have a lithp!

   #891... you didnt inbox me a number but I've always wanted to say this to you. Your depressing posts piss me off to no end! You need a haircut, I dont think he loves you anymore either, and I really dont give a Shi! what adorable trick your cat did today!

   Happy wife.. Happy life!