BONUS Funny Status Messages

   You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

   I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

   If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   Brad Pitt once asked me out. I was in his room.

   What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)