At Funny Status Messages

   LOVE it when i'm home alone! There is nobody to verify that I have done NOTHING in the last 2 hours.

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   Wondering if Google searches John Tesh for answers.

   I'm going to be more productive today by making a list of things I don't have to do and accomplish every one of them.

   I think it's pretty funny that people don't have a problem hitting the key pad several times to type out statuses, but FLIP OUT and start talking about starting farms on fire and killing animals instead of just hitting the one key "ignore" on a farm requ

   Dear Loreal, your hair coloring products get rid of my gray hair and your cosmetics make me look younger, but tell me what you were thinking when you came up with this self-tanning lotion that makes your skin orange?

   thinks it is nice when people are at least a little humble, even if it isn't their BEST quality like it is for me.

   Sorry little boy who came to my door trying to make a better life for yourself, but I will not buy that 7$ candy bar from you when I can get the same candy bar for a buck at the store.

   took my dog to sign up for Welfare. The clerk said dogs are not eligible. I said why not?!? He's unemployed, lazy, can't speak English, and dosen't know who his dad is!

   wonders when when when will I learn to post an independent congrats and not reply to an announcement so that I won't get fifty-seven updates while every other kind person offers their congratulations?

   wonders if bear cubs wrestle and bite each other to prepare for hunting and caring for themselves as adults, why do babies pull folded laundry out of a basket and lay it all over the floor? Preparing to be husbands?

   There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes......how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?

   wondering who ever came up with the saying "taking candy from a baby" as being something easy. I don't think they have ever tried it. I would rather take a salmon from a grizzly.

   listening to her dishwasher washing, her clothes washer and dryer washing and drying, her air purifier purifying and thinking what an awesome multi-tasker I am.

   Beware of those people who never post any statuses!...Come on now, we all know you're not JUST on fb to play the games, after all that's what a good ole game of solitaire is for.

   A penny saved is no longer a penny earned. It is a government oversight!!!

   Great!!! Bought a Powerball ticket and a pack of smokes. Total was $6.66. BOY, I sure feel lucky for tonight's drawing.

   Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve.

   You know your life is boring when happy hour is when the kids take a nap.

   OH NO!!!! My purse is gone! How did they know where I keep it?