AnnaMariaPastafazoola Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I call Domino's Pizza and order a pie. I ask them to repeat the order, then I say, "Okay, that'll be $10.99...please pull up to the first window."

   Q: Why are single women skinnier than married women? A: Single women go to the fridge, see nothing nice and then go to bed. Married women go to bed, see nothing nice and then go to the fridge.

   The only thing I don't like about fat is that it doesn't have any sugar in it.

   Girls..You know that "amazing" man in your life? News flash...he's fooling you and you're just eating it up.

   I can think of no worse slam than to tell someone that they're a Jerry Springer Show gone bad.

   I believe in doing things in a definitive manner. That being said, in the unlikely event I decide to do any looting, I'm going to loot a lute.

   Let's practice for the future: I'll trade you 2 rolls of toilet paper for a cup of sugar, a cup of flour and we switch places in this ridiculously long line.