Allie Funny Status Messages

   If you were getting sexts from someone you're not interested in, does that mean you got molexted? Or is it textual harassment?

   The most romantic way to have sex with a girl is to t!tty f#ck her, because that's when you're closest to her heart.

   Men have feelings too. For example, they feel hungry.

   If that old woman who lived in a shoe lived in one of mine she would have slit her wrists and died shortly after moving in.

   Has anyone noticed that there aren't many play-places at fast food restaurants anymore? Probably because none of those kids chowing down on burgers and fries can fit through the tunnels.

   Anyone ever worry about summoning a demon by unknowingly drawing a mystic symbol with their Toaster Strudel icing?

   Don't you love when you put a load in the dishwasher and it swallows?