@psym0niedk9 Funny Status Messages

   If an indoor shooting range is burning, what does one scream to inform them?

   I tried everything last night to get the baby to sleep.Finally after 5 bottles he went down.He's going to have a bad hangover!!

   Chaos: What erupts when he-who-lives-in-a-glass-house invites he-who-is-without-sin for dinner.

   I see nothing but continued growth and expansion for the foreseeable future... but enough about my diet.

   I'd like to give you a nice going away present. But first, you have to do your part.

   My girl told me I should embrace more of the holiday season. So I glued a mistletoe to my back pocket!!

   Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.

   Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called "neighbors." They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.

   I'm opening a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50

   On my 8th slice of pizza watching the bigget loser!! Time to make a change!! Where's the remote??

   "I am, is the shortest sentence in the English language, funny how "I do" is the longest!!

   Lost 9lbs in one day using a new diet, where I ran to the bathroom every 5 minutes for 24 hours. The stomach virus DVD workout will soon be out!

   You know times are tough when you receive a friend request on facebook from Tom Anderson (MySpace). I guess he is one of the 47% that got fired from MySpace!

   My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums!!

   My wife is so fat she speaks in surround sound!!

   I was in a Spelling Bee onze. But I lost bekause the other students cheeted.

   Hooters should start a home delivery service and call it Knockers.

   Groundhog just slid a note under the door that read 6 more months winter. Don't worry I've got my shotgun and I'm asking him again.