@MiserableMadge Funny Status Messages

   20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope and no jobs... Please don't let Kevin Bacon die.

   At any given time, the urge to sing "The lion sleeps tonight" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

   Why do midgets laugh when they run? The grass tickles their balls.

   You're 15... You should be feeling butterflies in your tummy, not a baby kicking.

   I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.

   Congratulations on your ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing.

   If you ever think you're ugly just remember it's because you are.

   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but she’s been banged more times than a snooze button on Monday morning.

   In the London Marathon I did 4 hours, 1 minute and 9 seconds last year. Will try to beat that, but I seem to get bored and turn over to watch something else.