BEGO Funny Status Messages

   If I forget my iPhone when going to the bathroom, I don't care if its the directions on toothpaste, I'm reading it.

   Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is retarded. Every time you sharpen it: "Cool to Do Drugs" "Do Drugs" and "Drugs"

   I don't have a problem with idiots… I have a problem with the fact they they have an internet connection.

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   An apple fan walks into a bar.. Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more..

   I would probably buy the iPhone5 if it kept me from drunk dialing my exes.

   Who the hell still calls in to request a song on the radio?

   I was hoping Apple would replace Siri with Morgan Freeman on the iPhone 5

   I need Google in my brain and Anti-Virus in my heart.

   The new iPhone 5 will totally revolutionize the way I send all of your calls straight to voicemail.

   My past is my past, it made me who I am, I have no regrets, wouldn't change a thing. I just don't live there anymore.

   Over time you start noticing that some people just aren't worth it anymore.

   If I text you all like.. "heyy :)" and you reply with "hi", I'm done taking to you..

   How to kill a Spider: Get a piece of tissue paper, approach it slowly, and very carefully, burn the house down.

   Unfriended me? Wow, you sure showed m

   If Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

   Trust me, as you get to know me, I just get weirder.

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   What doesn't kill you, leaves you alive for something else that will.

   Mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating!