Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We usually dislike people who cheat, lie, or rip us off. So why do we knowingly vote for them to manage our country?

   Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?

   Why do people look up when they think?

   When you ask a person in a strange town for directions why do they say 'I haven't got a clue'? Don't they understand that you want directions instead of clues?

   If we hear a burglar stumbling around our house in the dark why do we yell out 'Who's There'? Do we really expect them to yell back their name?

   having second thoughts.. and confused cause I completely skipped the first ones !

   Diarreah the day after thanksgiving is a turkeys last revenge...

   Figured It Out Black Friday is Like Child birth,U know Its gonna Be a LONG process,Ur Even excited about it the night B4 It Happens BUT as soon as it starts It Hurts Like Hell,U Wanna Kill Every1,pray that it ends soon & promises to never 2 do it again

   remembers the days when 'Black Friday' was referred to as 'Colored Friday'

   Obama gets 12 stitches in his lip after basketball game. Impending war with North Korea but hey, let's shoot some hoops!!

   loves when people just click the 'like' button on a thread of comments cause they're too lazy to add another comment

   thinks we need to stand by our North Korean Allies.

   won't take no for an answer. Unless the answer he wants is no, then he will take no for an answer.

   I'm so good at cooking, that the smoke alarm is cheering me on!

   . If I flip this coin, what do you think my chances are of getting head?

   I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.

   Just bought someone I don't really like something they don't really need. But I saved 10 bucks!!

   "It sure is nice to not be out shopping." - sane people

   The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she's never around when I'm awake.

   Always remember that famous rich people poop just like the rest of us.