BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes “I'm single” means “I'm drama free”, “less stressed” and “I refuse to settle for less.”

   Stop looking at your phone, he hasn't texted or called. But that's okay because he doesn't deserve a girl like you anyways.

   Some feelings are hard to express, you just feel them.

   Dear sleep, I know we had problems when I was younger, but now I love you.

   America, a country where people spend half of their money on food, and the other half on losing weight.

   Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!

   If you're 13 & under & have a Facebook, that's cheating. You gotta start from Myspace —-> Twitter —-> Facebook. Just like everybody else.

   call me a weasel, a coward or a jerk but whenever I am feelin smothered, manipulated, controlled, used, trapped or suffocating in a relationship I always bail out.

   Dear eyelashes, wish bones, dandelions, pennies in fountains, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles. YOU FAILED.

   Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.

   Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true.

   That awesome moment when you flip your pillow over to the cold side.

   Dear God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.

   If swimming would just add one shark, I would watch it more than football.

   Voicemail should be renamed “messages from people over 40″

   British accent: Justin Biebah. American: Justin Biebur. Australian: Jastin Beybah. You just tried out all of the accents, didnt you?

   I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old", B$tch don't make me do math.

   Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty bit$hes.

   11 year olds today: "Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!" Me when I was 11: "I can't wait to go home and play Club Penguin!

   If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's gay, definitely gay.