Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hates it when someone constantly complains about the town they live it. Here's a thought.....move if you don't like it! But quit your bit#&ing!

   Get out from my memory !!!

   In addition to being able to click "Like", Facebook needs a "That's what she said." option

   Just found out that my google setting was set to family friendly and turned it off, it's a hole new world>:)

   My internet goes down more than my girlfriend.......How sad!!

   awesome at being humble!

   The old saying "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"....is it? Or maybe you just need to get up off UR lazy ass and mow the lawn, water it, pull some weeds, fertilize it, take care of your own grass and stop looking over the fence

   Stay classy Facebook.

   if you are posting how many days there are until Christmas in November, you should have to do all the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner.

   Why are you informing me how many shopping days left until Christmas? I'm not getting anything for you anyway!

   I bet those adults that remind others of how many shopping days were the kids that reminded the teacher to give homework at the end of class.

   Its annoying when I get a notification then see its about a post that I commented on like a week ago. Its lost its luster by then. There should be a statute of limitations on such things.

   Why do people thinks that pressin the elevator button manny times It will come down faster!

   Watching Phoebe Cates exiting the pool for the 1,000,000,000 time!!!

   "Release the hounds" sounds so much more badass than "let the dogs out".

   Just my luck...I got bit by a retroactive spider instead of a radioactive one! Now I'm making tie dye webs in shapes of pot leaves.

   today is National Kindness Day so say something nice y' JACKWAD!

   My mom and I were playing "Call of Duty" the other day.... I was calling her to check if she was doing the cleaning, cooking, and ironing

   Most fairy tales start with,"Once upon a time",my story starts with,"you ain't gonna believe this crap!"

   A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!" The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"