BEGO Funny Status Messages

   The only thing I know about Women: They don't like being told what to do unless they're naked.

   Half of my Facebook friends are still there solely because their life is a train wreck and it's entertaining.

   That weird awkward run you do when a car lets you cross the street.

   There is a button on my oven that says ‘stop time'. I am pretty sure it means ‘stop timER' but I don't push it just in case.

   Say Hello to my little friend (҂`_´) < ,︻╦̵̵̿╤─ ҉ ~~~ • • • \

   Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need damn smarter friends.

   Music becomes my best friend when nobody else understands me.

   So I made up a new word: Ask-hole; someone who constantly asks for your advise then does the opposite of what you told them.

   Every week almost 30 people die from FDA approved drugs while Marijuana remains illegal with 0 deaths.

   If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.

   It's so hot outside, I bet Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start telemarketing.

   Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden? Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we lived twice?

   Weed is Illegal” “Yeah, so is the music in your iPod.

   True irony: Getting a girl pregnant on a pull out couch.

   What the hell is up with "Fun sized" candy? There is nothing fun about less candy.

   Don't text me while I'm in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my whole message.

   My phone dies faster than Chris Brown on stomp the yard.

   No matter how old I get, I think mooning people will always be hilarious.

   We have three types of friends in life: Friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime.

   Santa has elves. America has China.