Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 912 of 6446

Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?
←Rate |
11-02-2010 05:20 by Mike
Comments (0)

Lets just say today I need to figure out a thing or two about a thing or two!
←Rate |
11-02-2010 07:32
Comments (0)

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker....
←Rate |
11-02-2010 07:58 by thullqst
Comments (0)

dressing as pac-man and chasing people in burka's.
←Rate |
11-02-2010 08:32
Comments (0)

■Twitter makes me like strangers I've never met and Facebook makes me dislike people I know in real life.

planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.

Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone

I hate when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.

Does the Charmin commercials with the dancing cartoon bears freak anyone else out?
←Rate |
11-02-2010 09:57
Comments (0)

Why do older people scream into their cell phones?
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:14
Comments (0)

HATES IT when he's walking along minding his own business and then trips over his penis
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:14 by oz
Comments (0)

Went to Walmart last night and thought they were doing a special reinactment of "The Hills Have Eyes", but realized that they were all customers, as well.
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:17
Comments (0)

Statistics show that 9 out of 10 can' t handle this!
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:20
Comments (0)

Where's the dancing Kool-aid Man when you need him????
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:28
Comments (0)

likes to sit in the waiting area at the pharmacy, on my cell phone, telling my friend about the contagious rash I have that's covering 90% of my body and how the doctor's can't find a medicine that will work!!!
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:30
Comments (2)

To the guy in the stall next to me who's "attempting" to sit down...what's with all the TP? Are you a germaphobe or are you trying to build a freaking NEST?!
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:54
Comments (0)

Apparently "get naked" is not the correct response for "anything else I can do for you today?" from the hot male store clerk...Also: I need bail.
←Rate |
11-02-2010 10:55
Comments (1)

wondering why the yellow brick road never ended?
←Rate |
11-02-2010 11:49
Comments (0)

So I'm listening to Pandora today, and I think I heard the most fitting name for a techno song that was on... called "This Is Acid"
←Rate |
11-02-2010 12:02 by Kyle
Comments (0)

I should run for office I'm tired of peeps getn free rides with 26 inch rims and and dont work
←Rate |
11-02-2010 12:12
Comments (0)