BEGO Funny Status Messages

   That moment you realise you're a result of sex.

   My Mothers MENU had only two items: 1: Eat it or 2: Leave it.

   If your legs open up faster than Google's homepage. You are not girlfriend material.

   Does your a** never get jealous of the s**t that comes out of your mouth?

   I'm shy at first, but once I'm comfortable with you get ready for some crazy s$it.

   ‎3 Guys in Colorado died protecting their girlfriends. I dont want to hear any girls saying that ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME.

   Marriage. When dating goes too far.

   I live in constant fear of accidentally mentioning something I only know about you because I've stalked you on the internet.

   Do you enjoy interacting with people?" "Nope" "Great, you're hired!" - DMV interview process

   Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won't.

   Sometimes relationships last longer when facebook doesn't know about them.

   A life?! Where can I download one of those?

   Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2011: he died of hunger.

   The most annoying sound = When a fly comes into your house and gets stuck in between the window and the blinds.

   LIKE if you remember what it was like to take a ton of pictures only to wait a week to find out they were useless.

   Toaster Settings: 1) I do nothing. 2) I do nothing. 3) I SET THE BREAD ON FIRE!

   Nobody should regret anything that made them smile.

   If there are two lanes, the left one is the fast lane. If you are being passed on the right, you are a jerk.

   When you have a baby, does a hormone in your body force you to make your baby your Facebook profile picture?

   Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, "Where did I meet these crazy people?" But then I think "What would I do without them?"