Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If a toyota prius crashes into a tree, does it make a sound?
←Rate | 10-30-2010 13:11 by Supraman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Perfect nite for New Years eve practice....You can build up your alcohol tolerance in disguise to hide the fact your a lightweight.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 13:12 by nyrock Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants to remind everyone that all those little ghosts, goblins, princesses, and witches are having the time of their life so please drink responsibly and drive safetly.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 13:40 by fefe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow !!!!!! this is the oldest i've ever been, I fell Great..... Just out ran the kid next door to the ice cream truck, so what if he's only 10, i've still got something left in the old tank... It's a good day, a really good day!!!!
←Rate | 10-30-2010 13:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to a fancy dress party in just his underwear tonight... and when people ask "what you come as" i'll say " A Premature Ejaculation, I've just come in my pants"
←Rate | 10-30-2010 14:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is a comedy for those who think... and a tragedy for those who feel.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 15:57 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ever wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 15:58 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:07 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon BEFORE MARRIAGE: Saturday Night Fever AFTER: Monday Night Football
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:08 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:09 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pride, commitment, teamwork - words we use to get you to work for free.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:10 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its pretty sad I have to put parental controls on Google just to get pumpkin ideas.. Do not Google anything ending with "on a broom".
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:14 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:21 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties? To find a tight seal.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:26 by Hannibal Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow you're really cute from far away. I think a long distance relationship could work.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting my "Happy Halloween" out of the way right now. I will probably be too hungover to remember or care tomorrow
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When someone says "You're the best," just know that it's not really true because I'm the best.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 16:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red. Bullets have lead. Take me back. Or get shot in the head.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 17:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It must be impossible to stand out as a prostitute working on Halloween.
←Rate | 10-30-2010 17:05 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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