BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I hate it when teachers say "From all this talking, I assume you're done." From all this complaining, I assume you're single.

   8 planets, 1 universe, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas and I just HAD to find yo dumbass.

   When someone says "be honest" what they really mean is: lie to me, but be as convincing as possible.

   I have yet to see a security guard I couldn't beat the s$it out of.

   Got a problem with me? I'm pretty sure a status on Facebook won't fix it.

   Hey, I'm a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase douchebags, and then complain about it

   I had so much coffee I made it to work in under 4 minutes but I forgot to bring my car!

   Dear Ex, remember those I love you more fights? I won.

   I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.

   Find someone who will change your life, not just your relationship status.

   After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook.

   Hey people who like to start conversations with complete strangers, knock that s$it off.

   When you find it hard to keep a girl, find a girl that keeps it hard.

   Wait, don't eat yet! Let me take a picture of it at an artsy angle, add Instagram effects, and upload it to Facebook!

   Screw love? No, screw the person who made you think that way.

   Respect is earned, Honesty is appreciated, Love is gained and Loyalty is returned.

   Dudes in skinny jeans...there's no need for sex if you're already in her pants...

   Thank God It's Monday" ~ Your Liver

   We can talk to astronauts in space, but we can't get phone reception inside elevators.

   Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.