sully Funny Status Messages

   In Honor Of Tonight's Debate, I Will Be Making "Obama Rolls".... They Consist Of A lot Of Hot Air, And Full Of Sh*t!

   Global Bacon shortage better be the first debate question tonight, and I WANT ANSWERS! No lies....

   I was feeling a little under the weather. But surprisingly, I got down from my desk chair and I felt better? It must have been the high altitude.....

   Can someone ask Al Gore how early Biden should show up at the VP debate? The altitude is 984 feet....I'm concerned

   I just went outside and I'm completely swarmed by jobs. All over me. Can't get them off.......Help

   Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.

   I think Biden would be a hell of a Walmart door greeter.

   Just turned on my TV to discover Joe Biden's teeth are now burned into the screen......

   Now accepting wagers as to which will be the faster and more prolific descent today: Felix Baumgartner space jump or the Buffalo Bills....

   Presidential debate #2 tomorrow.... Have you started drinking yet?

   These debates are cool, but I think Romney and Obama should just skip the last debate and do an episode of "Wife Swap" instead...

   Another 46,000 Americans filed for unemployment last week but from what I gather unless they're name is Big Bird, or their named in a binder no one cares....?

   I am having debate withdrawal....So I'm heading to 7-11 now to spar with clerk about gas prices and Iranian sanctions.

   If Donald Trump combs his hair back live on TV facing the camera, I'll send a check for $5 to any "Hair Club For Men" chapter of his choice....

   Why don't they give hurricanes epic names like cyclone of doom or the fate fairy instead of frikken Sandy.....

   Hurricane Survival Pro Tip #2: If your neighbor is a jerk, point your patio umbrella at their windows. See what happens in 80mph winds......

   Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....

   PS Don't light every scented candle you own if the power go's out. You'll have a Yankee Candle store-grade headache....

   My hurricane tip of the day: if you live in the Northeast, OMG HURRICANE COMING PANIC......

   Hurricane Tip: If you get stung by a wind flung jellyfish have a friend pee on you, ASAP......