huck Funny Status Messages

   "Where is it? Oh there it is. Where'd it go? I can't see it. Is that the puck? Oh there it is...wait, lost it again." - me, watching hockey

   the best way to understand paranoid people is to follow them around.

   When I order delivery online and there's a "Notes" box I put "Ring bell, Cross moat, SLAY DRAGON"

   If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single d

   Hey people still doing fireworks. My dog hates you.

   "Pew pew pew! Pew pew!" - excitable church architect.

   I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing.

   I have an electric stove, but I prefer acoustic.

   People who wish they had a nickel for every time such-and-such happened should raise their prices a little.

   I'm sure someday I will go to a Chinese restaurant and be mature and able to resist doing Chopstick Walrus, but today is not that day.

   If I ever post a joke that you don't like take comfort in the fact that I was clearly for one moment hacked

   Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don't know the man & he doesn't know you're eating his popcorn

   Cops don't like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air then you wave them like you just don't care.

   Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don't wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.

   I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.

   My sister is going to a theme park tomorrow. I told her to have fun. Frightening to think what could've happened had I not shared that tip

   "I have your test results," said the doctor. "There's no easy way to tell you this; you are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."

   When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver

   I'm making money in my spare time by working.

   After opening this month's electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.