aaron Funny Status Messages

   Life isn't fair. Especially when I'm involved.

   People who hate hand gestures: I salute you.

   I beg your pardon. I didn't recognize you. I've changed a lot.

   It's so cute how you think I'm listening.

   What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it?... Next week.

   I wonder whose stadium will be the first to play "Who let the dogs out" when Michael Vick plays.

   I just sneezed and farted simultaneously while peeing, I think I saw god.

   Everyone who hates speeding tickets, raise your right foot.

   # # When it comes to poker...a good deal depends on a good deal.

   Funny Headline: "Red Tape Holds Up Bridges"

   I wonder if my mailman even recognized me with my clothes on.

   I keep pictures of all of you in my wallet.

   I listened patiently for you to make a noise but you never did. Reluctantly I had to admit you were right, it was a bottomless pit.

   My three unwritten rules : 1. 2. 3.

   Filling out a job application. Under 'Military Experience' I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.

   I like really dark movie theatres. That way, I don't have to buy my own popcorn.

   There is an official UN appointee for First Contact should aliens arrive. I can't believe I didn't get that job.

   Ever have one of those days when you just want to go home and take a long hot bath with a small electric kitchen appliance?

   If it isn't less than I'm doing right now, then it's hardly the least I can do.

   Evidently that good samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.