Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   still that same great taste just fewer calories

   "not drunk, hes just exhausted from being up all night drinking"

   waiting for Santa to smack me and say ho ho ho

   in fact the real slim shady

   how Stella got her groove back

   never fully dressed without a smile!

   living on the magic island of awesome

   missing the way things were...where the F is that time machine?

   glad he crashed the wedding.

   "life is just like Mario brothers, you have to slay a few dragons to get to the princess"

   depressed because you walked in the room. Where's my happy pills

   swearing to drunk that he is not god...

   bored of thinking of funny things to write in status and isn't going to bother this time

   "Two's company, three's...the musketeers!!!!!"

   defying society's law of average.

   eating all the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms cereal...

   dispatching her gang of flying monkeys.

   the coolest thing since string cheese

   having an excellent adventure with Bill and Ted

   selling his soul for a bag of skittles