BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Why isn't “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?

   Someone once ask me how I hold my head up so high after all I've been through. I said, as long as I come out of it alive, it makes me a survivor, not a victim.

   I rather have an enemy who admits they hate me, instead of a friend who secretly put me down.

   Why does your need to pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?

   It's amazing how alcohol can make you do so many stupid things on your smart phone.

   Describing yourself as a "morning person" translates to me that you are a fu$king as$hole.

   My I.Q. goes from 125 to about 14 when there's a hot girl around.

   Beers should come with a "May reverse bros before hoes" warning.

   I'm on Twitter because my family is on Facebook.

   Top ten things men understand about women. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

   If your status update contains the words, “I know 99% of you won't repost this,” there is a 99% chance you're an idiot.

   Let me ruin your favorite song by playing 15 times a day, 7 days a week!” – The Radio.

   Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is easily the worst thing to happen to President Lincoln in a theatre.

   When you mess up a guy's hair, he thinks it's cute, but when you mess up a girl's hair... just hope you're wearing something bulletproof.

   No mom, you're mad because you're wrong, not because I'm talking back...

   Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own.

   EX means: Thanks for the EXperience, Our time has EXpired, now EXit my life..

   Please don't dress like a slut unless you're really a slut...It's very confusing to us guys.

   Gay marriage is legal in 6 states. Having sex with a horse is legal in 23. Good going, America.

   Congrats on being one of the "cool kids" in Highschool. Too bad about the rest of your life though.