Funny Status Messages

   officially changing her TV remote's name to Waldo.

   always right, never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong.

   trying to decide: laundry today or naked tomorrow?

   Sometimes I think the world would be much better without so much technology. ~ Sent from my iPhone.

   Aww c'mon...everybody knows ho is short for honey.

   Every time I watch Titanic, I'm more convinced that if they had tried harder, Jack would've fit perfectly fine on that floating headboard.

   thinks it's funny that in about 40 years from now, there is going to be a lot of seniors walking around with tattoos.

   Warning: going to sleep on Sunday will cause Monday. Please note that staying awake all night does not prevent Monday. There is no cure.

   Wouldn't it make more sense for Dell to make the cooling fan on the top of the keyboard area instead of having it reach searing temperatures on my lap due to lack of air flow? My name is ______ and common sense is my idea.

   That's Crazy = The perfect response when you haven't been listening.

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.

   Things that make you go hmmmm: If Harry Potter's so magical, why can't he cure his own eyesight?

   Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away...like choking.

   thinks MTV should change its name to Empty V.

   single women are like dog turds the older they get the easy they are to pick up

   ...roses are red, violets are blue, I'm doing my laundry so I don't smell like you.

   just googled "MAMBY PAMBY LAND" and I'll be damned.... It took me HERE!!!

   If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesn't that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

   May you be as happy as a person in an infomercial today.

   in desperate need of a padded room and a Thorazine drip..