Bego Funny Status Messages

   The 3 worst words to hear right now..."Tomorrow is Monday"

   Mondays are Sunday's poop.

   Hollister should offer complimentary gas masks and ear plugs when you walk in the store.

   Sarcasm : Because beating the s$it out of people is illegal.

   Gossip is usually planted with the hopes that it will spread.

   Just saw a guy in a Dominos uniform driving a UPS truck. This is either grand theft auto or the most epic pizza trade ever.

   Longest minute of life: waiting for food to come out of the microwave...

   Everybody secretly hates that couple who plans their wedding on holiday weekends.

   Dear Whoever decided when breakfast is over at McDonalds..... F$CK YOU!

   Send message without subject? Yes, Gmail. f$ck off.

   I hate it when my boss calls my name and I automatically think "What the hell did I do now?"

   Your Ex ALWAYS seems to pop back up as soon as you forget about them.

   If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

   It's 2012 and bread still has a crust. Flying cars my ass.

   Their is nothing worse that realizing the vacation you planned is going to be the same week as her period.

   Renewing your wedding vows is like agreeing on a double life sentence to prison.

   Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me.

   McDonald's should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries.

   The 3 scariest words your girlfriend can ever say to you... "notice anything different?"