santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to wrap everything you own in tinsel and hope for the best.

   Christmas is an illusion. It's based on 2 fairy tales. One features a guy in a red suit, the other in a crummy stable without Netflix.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still fun to bonk someone over the head with.

   Gary's tips for the holidays: 1. Forget the past. You can't change it. 2. Forget the present. I didn't get you one.

   A Charlie Brown Christmas, but the tree is Eric Trump’s brainchild: flimsy, artificial, and overinflated by Dad’s credit card.

   Alright we got Christmas presents out the way where my W2 at

   Christmas > Easter. Christmas = Lasagna. Easter = Hard Boiled Eggs. I hope this helps to clear things up.

   Why are you all still shooting off fireworks? It's July 8th for crying out loud! One of them flew off course and almost hit my Christmas tree!

   August is almost over. Tomorrow is September 1st. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.