santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages
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The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to wrap everything you own in tinsel and hope for the best. 
Christmas is an illusion. It's based on 2 fairy tales. One features a guy in a red suit, the other in a crummy stable without Netflix.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still fun to bonk someone over the head with.
Gary's tips for the holidays: 1. Forget the past. You can't change it. 2. Forget the present. I didn't get you one.
A Charlie Brown Christmas, but the tree is Eric Trump’s brainchild: flimsy, artificial, and overinflated by Dad’s credit card.
Alright we got Christmas presents out the way where my W2 at
Christmas > Easter. Christmas = Lasagna. Easter = Hard Boiled Eggs. I hope this helps to clear things up.
Why are you all still shooting off fireworks? It's July 8th for crying out loud! One of them flew off course and almost hit my Christmas tree!
August is almost over. Tomorrow is September 1st. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October. I call it my jingle bell rock.
Just so we're clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work, and the other half aren't so bright.
Just got my wish list returned from Santa. The note attached said, "LMBO... NO!
Save $ decorating your Christmas tree well at the same time confusing your WiFi by placing Aluminum foil in the Paper shredder. Viola Tinsel and sketchy reception.
Christmas is really kind of weird. “Let’s all sit around a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of our socks”
The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."
Santa, no matter what my wife says, I have been very good this year.
Merry Christmas you filthy animals!
Anyone know how long you could store an unopened loafs of fruit cakes for? Just planning on next year‘s Christmas gifts.
It's wild that Santa can go into people's homes and eat their cookies. But when I do it, I have "issues" and need "help". [Search Results] [View All Messages]
