bego Funny Status Messages

   There is nothing worse than when the car in front of you stops at a yellow light and you have to get home to take a dump.

   Hey girl with 40,000 tweets and 14 followers, I'm guessing you should probably shut the f$ck up.

   Live this day as if it is your last...And if it turns out it isn't, make many apologies tomorrow.

   When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again.

   There are only a few people I can say “You're one of the few friends I enjoy being with more in person than on Facebook.

   To the people who upload full movies to YouTube: Get a life…also, thank you.

   I need to go to Walmart but I can't find my pajamas.

   There's nothing like celebrating America's independence by spending hundreds of dollars on Chinese fireworks.

   I sure do feel a hell of alot more attractive at walmart than I do at the gym...

   The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late.

   Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there's less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants.”

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   That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!

   No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand .

   Hey Facebook, I really don't care that somebody commented on a post that I commented on seven days ago.

   It's impossible to ruin our friendship with sex. It was ruined the moment you called it a friendship.

   It's Friday! Time to mute your conscience and party!

   What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE.

   Dont lose the girl of your life, for the hoe of the night.

   Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.