bego Funny Status Messages

   I saw something that reminded me of you...but don't worry, I flushed the toilet and washed my hands.

   I never use the little twist ties to close a bag of bread...I just spin the bag and tuck it under the loaf of bread.

   We all have that one friend with the hot sister everyone wants to get with.

   BEST EXCUSE: I didn't scream out someone else's name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant...

   If the fate of humanity ever rests on me filling out an online survey, we're pretty much doomed.

   I always look around the bar to see what level of women are there before I decide what level of drunk I have to become.

   For the love of God, ASK me, don't AXE me!

   A woman will watch the game with you. The perfect woman will watch it on top of you.

   Spice Girls reunite?!?! We have to ask... Which one would you bang?

   The PT Cruiser is probably the most expensive form of birth control.

   The worst thing ever = that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

   I have this weird fetish where I like to sleep with attractive and smart women...

   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity.

   CANCEL CANCEL CANCEL!! *Message Sends* Kill me now

   A Life ?! Where can I download one of those?

   Some french fries are excellent, and other french fries are just an acceptable way to eat ketchup…

   I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.

   How the heck does one cup of coffee equal one gallon of pee!?!?

   They need to make a breathalyzer app for my phone... After 10pm, I'm usually above the legal limit to text message.