bego Funny Status Messages

   Bud Light with lime??? What's the primary target demographic for that? Rednecks with scurvy?

   I wish breaking up with someone meant they had to refund all the money you spent on them.

   We all used Facebook out of curiosity and it ended as an addiction.

   Favorite alcoholic beverage??? ...the one that has the alcohol in it...

   One time I smashed my face into the keyboard and accidentally wrote the 4th Twilight book.

   Some of life's best lessons are learned while watching your drunk friends.

   How to freak someone out. 1. Find someone on Facebook with the same name as you. 2. Steal their profile picture. 3. Poke them.

   My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.

   When I see "sent from my iphone" I read it as "i'm on the toilet"

   Don't be in a relationship if you're going to act single...

   On a scale of 1 to 10, how old do you think Sandusky's boyfriend is?

   They say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.

   Put a condom on your heart & f$ck your feelings.

   There's always a wild side to an innocent face.

   Walmart calls them "self-checkouts," I call them "I might not pay for some of this."

   Who makes the sandwiches in a lesbian relationship?

   I'm not saying she is a slut, but she calls her underwear "ankle warmers"

   Girls want a guy who is "funny and spontaneous", but when I tap on a girls window at night dressed as a clown, she flips out!

   If you take the vowels out of FEMALE you get FML. Coincidence? I think not

   Fat chick posts a picture on Facebook* "Fresh out the shower (; " Me: "You spelled ocean wrong."