bego Funny Status Messages

   You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions.

   How are you feeling today? Like a tampon. In a good place... At the wrong time.

   Ahh, Subway. It's the only place on Earth where you can force a woman to make you a sandwich and she can't tell you to f$ck off.

   Go ahead and play "hard to get"...I'll be over here playing "don't give a s$it"

   Slut: *Facebook status* describe me with a commercial slogan <3 Me: So easy a caveman could do it.

   How come you can wear jeans everyday and nobody cares... but you wear a shirt twice in one week and you're suddenly homeless?

   Sometimes I want to ask certain people, "So you looked in the mirror and thought you looked good enough to go outside?"

   Experts say caffeine is bad for you, fat is bad you, sugar is bad for you… But don't worry, worrying is also bad for you too

   Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder. 

   I'll let my dog ride with me to the store just to wait in the car for the sole purpose of him not assuming I'm doing something fun every time I leave the house.

   Just when you think your day can't get any worse, someone pokes you on Facebook

   The very first photo uploaded to Facebook was a cartoon cat. The second one was probably a duck-face girl.

   Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone. 

   Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything.

   Oh you got “Swag”? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application.

   If Adele, The Weeknd, Drake, and Frank Ocean made an album together. Everyone would be in their deepest feelings.

   Ladies, don't wear skinny jeans, if you have no skinny genes.

   If I was a homeless person, I would make a Coinstar costume and just sit outside of grocery stores.

   High School Spanish class taught me just enough to engage Spanish-speaking people in the worst conversation they've ever had.