Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   when I said pull out, I didnt mean shot me in the eye either!

   Remember the days when you would leave for work, and say goodbye to your spouse, lover or partner, knowing you probably wouldn't talk to them until you got home from work? No cellphones, emails, texting, facebook, blah, blah! Man, though were the days...

   I am not the man they think I am back home

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen

   May the mass times acceleration be with you.

   ...BBC News: 'Cap For Unemployed Families On Benefits' - Burberry by any chance?

   How about instead of doing the 69, we just do the 68. It's where you do me... and I owe you one.

   - Advice !! Something we seek as long as it`s an answer we wanted in the first place.... Like you want me to reaffirm your choice !!

   doesn't want none unless you got buns hun

   Sometimes you just have to accept you can`t win every battle , no matter how hard you try .. but just because you lost a battle doesn`t mean you can`t win the war.

   could care less where you leave it - as long as it is on my floor with the rest of your clothes.

   Told a girl free refills with a magic mouth. I guess she never saw that snickers commercial...

   likes it on the floor, next to the bed, so she doesn't forget it it when I kick her out in the morning

   how come the nesquik rabbit can drink his milk while the trix rabbit can't eat his food?

   If you only have one photo on you're Facebook you are either a spammer, or a loser, either way don't request me as a friend.

   Cookie Monster: People ask me what me favorite kind of cookie, but me no can choose! Me equal opportunity eater.

   The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were: Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

   A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for some batteries. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said,"Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the batteries!"

   "I like" IF EVERYONE stops writing where they "like it" ... thank you!

   Did you know that no two farts are exactly alike? It's true. Farts are sort of like snowflakes in that regard. Little, invisible, smelly, snowflakes.