BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Just ran over my neighbor's cat, but I left a note saying "Curiosity was here" I'm probably safe, right?

   Don't be mad when someone else starts to appreciate the person you took for granted. What you won't do, someone else will .

   If I was a cop and I pulled over a drunk driver, I would make them do the Macarena as their sobriety test.

   When I call my parents, and they don't answer it's no big deal but when they call me and I don't answer it's like World War II.

   I want to hold hands and waste friday nights with you while we both getting wasted.

   People who don't like bacon cannot be trusted, end of story.

   R.I.P. To The B$tches Dying For Attention

   I like girls with curves, if I wanted to see bones, I would go to the damn museum.

   There's two kind of people in this world: People that use "lol" or "haha"

   Found out today you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house... just trying to help.

   If I had a year to live, I would spend it with my ex... because it would be the longest year of my life.

   Guys who say they like girls who don't wear makeup really mean they like girls that look really hot without the help of makeup.

   M̸o̸n̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸u̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ W̸e̸d̸n̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ Friday Saturday Sunday

   I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven

   If you still talk about it, you still care about it.

   Right all wrongs. Settle everything with love and understanding.

   Being a FEMALE is a matter of BIRTH, being a WOMAN is a matter of AGE, but being a LADY is a matter of CHOICE...

   Dad, thanks for forgetting to use a condom and creating the greatest person ever!

   Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life.

   Even if women came with a set of instructions, men would toss them aside without reading them.