Funny Status Messages

   ...is now awesome. earlier I was just pretty damn amazing :)

   Why do people keep telling me I need a positive attitude? I'm already positive I have an attitude.

   playing Words With Foes

   A woman's work is never done. Which is probably why they don't make as much.

   A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

   Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

   I'm not a fan of Keebler cookies, or for that matter, anything else made by dirty elves in an unsanitary hollowed-out tree factory

   If I ever go blind, I'm going to set up my entire house with strobe lights. That will really freak out my neighbors.

   Whenever I accidentally enter a wrong room I like to yell out a large number before excusing myself and leaving. That way everyone is left with a mystery to discuss, such as "What the hell does 402 mean?"

   I finally got my wireless internet to work...this is the best thing to happen to me since the negative pregnancy test...

   I get drunk and bid on ebay!

   Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."

   fixed a $2 toy with an $8 tube of glue. Because the rules of economics don't apply to parenthood.

   It's only cheating if you get caught. Well, if you never get caught, you're stuck in two meaningless relationships.

   Rise and shine Billie Joe Armstrong... It's October!

   Hi, I'm chucky! wanna play?"

   To whom it may concern, The inventor of thirsty Thursday obviously never had to work on friday...

   I'm not fat, I'm kidnap proof

   wake me up when September ends.