BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Don't call me " bae " " baby " " babe " or " love " unless I'm the ONLY ONE you're calling that.

   I heard that Google Searches stay on your hard drive forever...that means my laptop will never be for sale.

   The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it's the weekend. Then the snail is driving a Ferrari.

   Why is Monday still a thing?

   Boy: "You're like summer." Girl: "Awww hot?" Boy: "Nope, no class."

   Sharing a Facebook account with your gf/wife is the best way to let everyone know how whipped you are.

   If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of.

   Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls.

   Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoes. Can't stand me? Sit back down. Can't face me? Turn around.

   Never judge a book by its cover, UNLESS the word Twilight is written on it... then you know it's s$it.

   I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that.

   Some girls are like community colleges... Even if you're not the smartest guy, you probably still get in.

   If you're not in love right now, you're wasting valuable time!

   Facebook needs a "Meh" button.

   You say: "I now pronounce you man and wife". I hear: "FINISH HIM!!" (Mortal Combat music blasting)

   Free samples shouldn't be limited to grocery stores...How can I be sure this Fifth of Scotch is worth the $10 without a quick chug?!?

   Skinny= Anorexic Thick= Obese. Virgin= Too good. Non-Virgin= Slut. Friendly= Fake. Quiet= Rude. It seems like you can never please society

   My girlfriend just texted me saying, "I want you to get me all wet when I get home ;)" So I got 15 water balloons ready.

   Excuse me miss, you've got a little bit of face on your makeup there.

   Driving a rental car means never knowing the safest place to wipe a booger without haphazardly finding someone else's.