bego Funny Status Messages

   Someone needs to uninvent the internet so I can start getting some s$it done.

   I used to have faith in humanity...then I stepped into Wal-Mart.

   I've never smoked Hookah, but I've been told it tastes exactly like not getting laid.

   I didn't text you just to exercise my fingers, I was expecting a reply back...

   I think I had my zipper down when I slapped my girlfriend at Walmart. I could hear people murmuring,"OMG what a d$ck!"

   Men cheat the most, women cheat the best.

   Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.

   oh hey Sobriety! no thanks, it's Saturday! Maybe you'll have better luck on Monday...

   I have way more eye contact with my computer screen than I do with any humans.

   Happy Saturday!!! May the only work you do be piecing together last night's drunk texts.

   Having a dog as a friend better than having a friend as a dog ....

   Be with the one who will get your panties wet not your eyes.

   A little thumb-dance when you don't know how to reply to a text

   All successful people have had plans that failed, but none have ever failed to plan.

   You're never too old to become younger.

   Why do the people in front of me at the ATM always seems to be having some sort of damn major financial crisis?

   Dear clear high heels, Thank you for helping me figure out who's a stripper and who's not.

   Pure laziness = when your computer asks you "the file asfslkddjf already exist, would you like to replace it?"

   I've always wanted to know how long "forever" was... and by looking at some peoples relationships its around 2 to 4 weeks.

   Some people can ruin how attractive they are by doing this weird thing with their mouth... it's called "talking"