michael Funny Status Messages

   So apparently sex burns off the same number of calories as running 5 miles. Who the hell can run 5 miles in 30 seconds?

   Everything I have learned about women has come from a pamphlet in a tampon box.

   "You know. If I had a son, he'd look like Hunter Biden and would do blow off a secretary's tramp stamp on a Naval base" ~ Barack Obama

   Last night my son wanted me to take him to see scary monsters at a haunted house, but I needed beer. We compromised and I took him to Walmart

   Snow peas are just like regular peas except the licky boom boom down.

   Are you sick and tired of having sex? Ask your doctor if 'marriage' is right for you!

   K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.

   "I'm sorry your pet died. Can I come over for breakfast tomorrow?" - The world if pigs replaced dogs.

   "His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small" ~ Mrs Grinch.

   James Watson, the scientist that discovered the DNA double helix, believes that "stupidity" is a genetic condition that can be cured. So chin up, buttercup. There is hope for you yet!

   Customer: "Sir, could you take a look at my car; it's making terrible noises." Mechanic: "Have you tried shutting off the Christian music?"