hiyourjon Funny Status Messages

   Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They've obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.

   Damn girl are you a firework because I only see you like 3 times a year & your very pretty & I’m scared to get closer to you.

   Damn babe are you Obama’s birth certificate because my mom doesn't believe you exist

   My wife finally agreed to have a 3 way with me. Her and her divorce lawyer fùcked over me really good.

   Joe Biden walks nervously into the grocery store by himself for the first time. He asks the clerk, "where are the snowman noses?"

   So you're Chinese? "Japanese" Sorry..& what a cute litte girl.. "Boy" Oh a boy. Of course.. And I like your pet croc.. "Alligator" I should go..

   it OK if I abbreviate Oklahoma?

   The second I named my hangover "dad" it went away

   " I feel like a million bucks." -Billionaire having a crappy day.

   I'm only here for the alibi.

   When one door closes, another one opens. Then you're inside Walmart.

   My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

   I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

   If you cut soda from your diet, you'll save over $1000 a year and could spend money on more important things, like beer, meth, and skittles.

   According to my Nike Fitness App, I've watched TV on my couch for 7 miles this week.

   If the plot of Breaking Amish isn’t an Amish guy with cancer who sells light bulbs to pay his medical bills then you can count me out.

   If I was The Bachelor we'd all play Mario Kart for 8 weeks, then I'd pick the one with the biggest boobs

   Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious

   Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.

   If you missed the MTV awards, you can see it again by throwing yourself down a flight of stairs while chewing a light bulb.