SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Insomnia causes questionable browser history.

   Before you give someone a piece of your mind, make sure you can get by with what is left.

   These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.

   Personally, I don't believe the world owes me a living, although for the amount I make, an apology would be nice.

   "Vodka, Bourbon, Tequila!" - Me calling the shots.

   If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.

   Maybe Congress should try a Bake Sale.

   I don't know why I should learn Algebra. I'm never likely to go there.

   Rick Perry should start campaigning in one of those giant foam cowboy hats.

   The only way I'm going to drop ten pounds is if I go shopping in England.

   Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. George Carlin

   My “Sleep Number” is pretty much 24/7.

   If you stalk a regular 16 year-old girl and take photos of her, you'll be arrested. But if she's famous, you'll be hired.

   In our darkest moments we sometimes find a way to shine. Or smash a knee on the corner of a coffee table that you wanna toss into the fireplace.

   You'll never see me on Hoarders because I can't afford that much sh!t.

   My car doubles in value when I fill my gas tank up.

   Damn...I'm having an out of money experience.

   I always say, "If you can't say anything nice, we have a lot in common. "

   Why do receipts need to be 75 feet long? I reach into my pocket thinking I have a wad of cash, turns out I just bought a soda earlier.

   I don't think the economy has turned around so much as it has backed over us and parked.