Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Sex appeal is made up of 50% of what you got and 50% of what people think you got.

   Love is a matter of chemistry,sex is a matter of physics.

   Did you hear about the gay dwarf? He came out of the cupboard.

   I was born a pessimist. My blood type is B negative.

   Two goldfish in a bowl. One says to the other "If there is no God,who changes our water every week?"

   Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge.

   Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.

   Never date a tennis player; to them love means nothing.

   Police Station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.

   Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against tables,chairs,etc).

   Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

   n't it annoying when you accidentally drop something like a bread crumb into your keyboard and you have to get ighhghghghghhghghbhbhghgbhbhbggggggggggggh

   Whoever decided that a one inch Mars bar should be called 'fun size' needs to seriously re-examine their standards for entertainment.

   If a mute kid swears,does his mother wash his hands out with soap?

   OFFICE MEMO: Mrs. Waite is doing all my work today. If you're in a rush for it,go to Helen Waite

   I have kleptomania. But when it get's bad,i take something for it.

   Bills travel at twice the speed through the post than cheques.

   I remember when the candleshop caught on fire. Everyone just stood around singing "Happy Birthday".

   I woke up this morning and my friend said "Did you sleep good?" I said "No. I made a few mistakes."

   Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a weak man all day. Wearing a backpack & a turtleneck is lke being strangled by a weak man as a dwarf tries to pull you down.