Eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   Amazing how you can be first and everything and then last and nothing.....all with a blink of an eye..I hate video games!!

   Just because I pet your dog doesn't mean I want to talk to you, get over yourself smoking hot girl!

   Just bought formula. Babies would be cheaper if they ran on gas!

   When dropping off prescriptions for two people with the same name...make sure the dates of birth are correct. Apparently my 12 year old is on Blood Presure meds now...

   My son's Parrot just tweeted about his current living conditions!

   There were a lot of people who thought he was going to end up like his brother. I wasn't one of them. Really, what are the chances he has another brother who runs over him in a car.

   Paula Deen just got chopped!

   I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!

   Setting here wrapping presents with one hand. If someone finds a band aid in theirs Don't touch it, I'm still waiting on them test results.

   Man I love watching women's curling in the Olympics. It's the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.

   So when I pump gas, has my truck pumped all the other vehicles that this nozzle has pumped?

   Why did the turtle cross the road? ...To get to the shell station!

   Just did the Ancestry.com DNA swab....Now the cops want to talk with me!! #StalkersLife