BEGO Funny Status Messages

   The only effective way to end a Facebook conversation is with “LOL”

   What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y'all ain't gonna believe this s@%t…”

   It's going to be weird still checking Facebook when I'm 70.

   … Everytime I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls …

   Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends

   Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.

   The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

   Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

   Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy.

   I need an app on my phone to connect to the morons Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.

   I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week.

   New Life goal, make it to the bottom of my chapstick before  I lose it.

   Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook

   Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.

   After the age of 35, people start losing 7,000 brain cells a day. That number is tripled if they have a Facebook account.

   The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

   Wives & girlfriends are temporary but ex-wives & ex-girlfriends last forever.

   The best selling books are cookbooks and the second are diet books. So you can learn how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

   Does AT&T allow phone calls on their network? Anyone know?