SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Frogs always look like they just found out there's no free Wi-Fi.

   I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.

   Somewhere out there, a man named Private Number is sobbing uncontrollably because no one ever takes his phone calls.

   Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate.

   Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?

   We'll be with you soon, starving people of the world, first we need to fight over the ideologies of our fast-food restaurants.

   Pushed too hard against my eardrum with a Q-tip and reset my brain.

   I went to confession and told the priest I had impure thoughts about other religions.

   Actually, I WOULD wish that on my worse enemy.

   In the dark, it takes several minutes to find the hole and stick it in. Stupid phone charger.

   A few hours before your dentist appointment, you'll do the best brushing you've done all year.

   Zombie kids are spoiled rotten.

   Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.

   Forgetful? Can't remember where you put things? There's an app for that, somewhere...

   How come tragic events never seem to happen to groups of clowns?

   I'd say popping your trunk to release 10,000 butterflies is the most magical way to elude the cops.

   My healthcare policy basically only covers taking off my shoe to twist my sock around a little bit so the seam isn't right under my toe

   The Bible is a lot like those online Terms of Use Agreements. Everyone says they agree with it, but very few people actually read it.

   I do not, and never will, know my confirmation number.

   If you come to my front door with a clip board I will just ask you if your clip board is an ipad until you leave.