Baddie Funny Status Messages

   WoW! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!

   Alright ISIS, Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. You can stop now.

   Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.

   So this whole working for a living sh*t goes on for how long?

   I'd like to think I'm a decent person but honestly if I was a millionaire, the last thing I would do is dress up like a bat and fight crime.

   Just got into a conversation with a crazy person. Do you guys know what a crazy person will never say? -- "Well I've got to go."

   I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own Facebook Page.

   A shot of vodka a day keeps the sad away!

   It's like I'm the only one in this gym who thinks groin fitness is important.

   Majority of Religious people have given religion a bad name.

   Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.

   I don't know what everyone's complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents' basement.

   It’s so embarrassing when you say, "I love you, too," only to realize the person was waving to someone behind you.

   Well, son, when a man loves a woman very much he expresses that love by slowly transforming into a human sloth.

   Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.

   You're wrong. - First Rule of Right Club

   I was going to have sex with you , but you said okie dokie

   I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won't have to talk to them.

   Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about

   Kim Kardashian wants to break the internet? All this no talent hack needs to do to break the internet is to sit on it.