BEGO Funny Status Messages

   If you really cared you wouldn't ignore my text, neglect my feelings and forget my existence.

   Remember guys, while your checking some other girl out, someone else is checking out your girl. Appreciate what you have, or someone else will.

   Remember: One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

   Kids today will never know the pain of the Dewey Decimal system and how to catalog library books on index cards.

   We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

   My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

   A slut is fun in everyone's bed. A good girlfriend is only a slut in yours.

   I bet if Adam and Eve were Chinese, they would have eaten the snake and not the apple.

   They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.

   They say "Opposites attract" but they never tell you for how long.

   Dear Someone: I miss you so damn much!

   When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say "You hit like a bit$h."

   Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.

   Ladies, most of the time us guy are like placemats. We only show up when there's food on the table.

   Screw it, I'm starting Friday now.

   I don't need anger management -I need people to stop pissing me the hell off!!

   I'm against recycling because it makes me appear to be a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

   Emotionally: I'm done. Mentally: I'm drained. Spiritually: I'm dead. Physically: I smile.

   Sorry, I'm really bad at returning calls and texts." = "Um yeah, I just don't want to talk to you."

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep fu$king me.