Hey guy with the flat billed hat turned sideways and pants half off, I'm pretty sure the world will never take you seriously, ever! But, way to keep trying
I was riding shotgun in an old man's truck when his cell phone rang. He checked who it was and said, 'I have to take this' then pulled over, parked, then answered the phone. What?
Everybody knows that couple that should've broken up sixteen times already because they fight like kangaroos. "We're workin' it out" they alway say. Ummm no. You're "workin' it in."
Since M&M's have been saturating the market with various different types of flavors and centers, here's an idea for them: put mini M&M's inside regular ones and voilĂ ! M&M's Pregnants.
Those high powered hand dryers are awesome for getting your hands dry in three seconds, and as an added bonus I now know what my hands would look like if they ever went sky diving.
It's fun to email news headlines to a buddy when a hurricane has the same name as his ex. "Hermine leaves trail of destruction", "Hermine won't stop blowing in Gulf Coast". Yeah, that's her alright.