bego Funny Status Messages

   I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

   If my love, honesty, and loyalty aren't good enough for you...the guy in line behind you would love for you to move on.

   Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.

   Three words that can really really  crush a mans pride. "Is it in"?

   Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "??  We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that???

   I met a cute girl in the tampon section, so I asked her if I could take her out in 5 to 7 days.

   Women are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and they're usually wrong.

   Listen, I'm not fat ok, I'm just so sexy that it overflows.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Let´s drink Vodka until you don´t remember what I suggest next..

   Honey, why don't you take a break, you're working too hard." = "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

   I've been making the same mistakes in life for so long, I should just call them traditions!

   Dear parent constantly bragging about your kid on Facebook, everybody else is rooting for your kid to fail.

   Dudes who wear skinny jeans, you took the phrase "I got in her pants" the wrong way...

   Sleep with a girl with a spray tan? No thanks. I'll just stick my d$ck into a bag of Cheetos.

   You're too cute to be single." and you're too ugly to be flirting with me.

   50 Shades of Grey is stupid. They made the movie before the book. It's called porn... and thanks to the internet, it's free.

   They say that the first sign of alcoholism is drinking alone. I have a dog, so I don't have to worry about that.

   Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky? If it was invented anywhere else, it woulda been called a "teethbrush."

   Its not you I'm rejecting Its my heart I'm protecting

   Ladies, Put your boobs back in your shirt, smile instead of doing that duck face and put your middle finger down. Have some self-respect.