BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Facebook's friend suggestion section should be renamed to "People you know, but probably hate."

   A rejected highfive is one of the biggest insults there is.

   I don't care what the damn expiration date says, I'm smelling the milk before I drink it.

   That disappointing feeling you get when you unlock the black guy in temple run and realize he's not any faster.

   Why is "All Together" written separately, but "Separately" is written all together?

   We live in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad... I fear for the future.

   Ever notice how men insult each other and don't really mean it and women compliment each other and don't really mean it?

   I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you logged into Myspace."

   Gay Drive by: They pull up in a pink ford focus, Throw skittles and shout "TASTE THE RAINBOW BIT$H!"

   When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

   S.I.N.G.L.E = Sometimes It's Not Good to Love Everybody

   (Person:) Do you know how many calories are in that?! (Me:) Do you know how many f**ks I don't give?

   I can't think of one nice thing to say about you....a million maybe, but not just one.

   Why, when our heart is stolen, do we insist on returning to the scene of the crime?

   Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper. By the time you realize it's open, it's already embarrassed you.

   Technologically, I'm at that dangerous age. I'm old enough to mess everything up, and not young enough to fix it.

   Hardest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.

   Oh, he didn't reply to your text message and it's been 2 minutes? You should probably resend that.

   Sometimes I see people and think, "Is your face supposed to be like that?"

   Facebook says we're 'friends' ,but trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick you in the teeth.