Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's not always rainbows and butterflies. It's compromise that moves us along.

   Post this if you know (or are related to) someone who suffers from stupidity. Stupidity is a real condition and should be taken seriously. There is no known cure for stupidity but we can raise awareness. 93% won't post this because they won't know how.

   you know you are on facebook too much if there are no new status message since the last time you logged in..and you have over 700 friends

   CNN tried to blame me for 9-11. On that day I turned on the tv and the guy said " if you're just turned on your tv,the world trade center has been destroyed".

   sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.

   So I saw an old women on a little pink bicycle a few min. ago.....i think she has proven her eligibility for the thug life.

   The government knew those planes were coming!!!! why not shoot them

   You look as guilty as a pedophile on parole at Chucky Cheese.

   To err is divine. To blame it on someone else shows presidential potential.

   I've adopted a highway. Well, technically, I just drive like I own it.

   I'm in love with my bed. But my alarm clock won't let us be together.

   Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."

   If you say "That reminds me of a good story," I automatically think "This story's gonna suck."

   If the creators of Words with Friends took a peek at my score they would totally accept FUCT as a word.

   I'm still impressed with the dogs ability to play it cool about having eight nipples.

   Email from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: No subject

   The best part about "liking" someones status on Facebook is all 97 notifications for the conversation below between you and your friends.

   I've never lost a water balloon fight since I started freezing the water balloons beforehand.

   I don't really care about being judged...as long as its not by a jury.

   I don't understand why they call them men's dress shoes because they don't go with any of my dresses.