SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   No human being in the history of the world has ever enjoyed hearing about another human being's workout.

   I bet a spider has a great "web sight"!!

   STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life

   I smiled today. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow!

   "Will, you, Mary, Me" -- invitation to an orgy.

   After I bang a chick, I draw a “#” on the her lower back. I call it an #asstag.

   Never fight anyone who bows to you first.

   When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.

   Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead. The sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

   If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and sh!t.

   Towels are a scam... think about it - a towel is only a towel, but anything that's like pants or a sheet or whatever is also a towel.

   If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

   The last time she got 100% on a test it involved peeing on a stick.

   "Shia LeBeouf" sounds like the name of the venereal disease that will eventually rid the world of Kardashians.

   We had a family tree but someone chopped it down and built a bar with it.

   Seeing a loser from your high school w/ a good job is like graffiti on a highway bridge… how the Hell did that get there?

   A homeless man is just a hardcore camper.

   I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.

   Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it that often.

   I was so angry when I found my wife's profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn't “fun to be around.”